Asgardian Daddy issues aka Thor: Ragnarok
Last weekend, I went to see Thor: Ragnarok the latest in the Asgardian trilogy of deep seated Daddy issues and lessons in mis-communications.
I went for two Zaddies:
The movie starts out with a Jack Sparrowesque sequence between Thor and a flaming demon. Then segues into a fight scene and then another one where we all pretend it's highly likely that the main protagonist of this movie might lose his life 90 seconds in. Thor heads back to Asgard where the main palace kinda looks like a church organ to unravel Loki's dastardly plans of stroking his own ego.
blah, blah, blah Daddy issues, Thor blames Loki when he should be blaming his Dad, and then their sister shows up. Turns out she has WAY more daddy issues than Thor and Loki. Pointy Maleficent (Hela) wants to take what is rightfully hers as a firstborn and that's Asgard. *dun dun dun* Here our trio of divine siblings splits up, Pointy Maleficent to Asgard and the brothers two to a garbage universe.
Here Thor meets a bounty hunter (TESSA THOMPSON) and is zapped to unconsciousness by a taser. Don't get me wrong, I love irony as much as the next soul, but why isn't the God of Thunder energised by electricity? Static Shock nor Ororo Monroe aka Storm if you're nasty would never.
Reclaiming her electrons
The story then shows Hela killing people, bringing a giant wolf to life, exposing her daddy as a liar and a fkboi while Thor and Loki bicker in a different universe. Then Hulk shows up, and doesn't seem to remember much else, and we find out that our bounty hunter is really a Valkyrie. She's given up Asgard in favour of alcoholism, but has still found the time to keep her edges laid #BlackGirlMagic.
Thor escapes, Hulk has a change of heart then heads off to find his friend. He transforms back into Bannon who is surprisingly well adjusted to finding out he's not on Earth and has been there for years. He does this by hearing the voice of Black Widow...which is enough to bring his subconscious back from the dead. Cool.
Loki and Valkyrie fight and he triggers her memory so we see this action sequence where she fights against Hela and a woman who appears to be her lover dies in front of her. Now that I've seen this sequence, I want to know why that wasn't the opening. My interest level was at a solid 99% for the duration of this scene, and then shot down to about 25% where it remained for the rest of the movie. Luckily Zaddy Goldblum shows up and diverts my attention from what is clearly the real story here to how will the almighty Thor blessed with power beyond our wildest imagination free himself from this human engineered plot device. Zaym Zaddy himself, decides he wants to collect Hulk and probably kill Loki, Valkyrie and Thor so they hatch a dastardly plan and fly away. No-one I wanted to die did.
Meanwhile things are going to shit for the non-deities on Asgard who are just dropping like flies. All seeing Idris is doing his best to save them, and then Thor shows up and fights his sister. At this point I'm no longer invested in this movie and waiting for the end-credits. The good guys win, the bad people die, and Asgard is blown to smithereens. Loki may have done a good thing, or he may not have and we see Thanos's ship. The End.
Main takeaway from this was that it was good but not better than the first Iron Man. Thor as a character bores me and honestly I think him and his brother need to go to family therapy. Jeff Goldblum, and Tom Hiddleston saved whatever scenes they were in. Tessa Thompson's storyline should have been fleshed out a bit more but I'd still watch what this director puts together.
The one thought that I kept having throughout the whole movie was "I wish this was Xena".
Overall rating: 3/5